Hello Vedam,
I am ignoring my list of things to do. This will cause financial hardship for my partner and I. This will also cause my partner to lose trust in me. The list of items are not difficult. In my past, I have ignored the list, let everything fall apart, and then just started over again doing something else. But now I have a wonderful partner and I do not want this to fall apart. Where is motivation?
Part of it is migraine headaches, but I don’t have them everyday. Part of it is the isolation of having to do things by myself, but some of the list must be done while my partner is at work.
How can I stop myself from wasting away my day?
Answer: There is so much being said (and also being said without actually saying it) in this letter. I will do my best to address it. But that being said, my first recommendation is get yourself a coach; one that will listen, offer you the tools that will help you through this, and call you out on your stuff all at the same time.
What is ultimately happening here is you are participating with your mind; you are listening to it, following right along with it, and not realizing that you are not the mind. There are patterns that have been established, and behaviors in present time that are keeping those old patterns alive. When a pattern has been established inside the mind there are two main things that are going to change that: Awareness and actively doing things consciously to change those patterns (actively creating new pathways in the mind).
From your past experiences you have seen what this type of behavior and patterns bring about. And, just from reading your letter, it seems that the repercussions of these patterns have not had enough impact on you to really make the necessary changes in your life to break those patterns. Are you waiting on that to happen?
You ask, “Where is the motivation?” Let me be very frank with you; there is nothing that will magically fall out of the sky to motivate you, for you have to do that yourself, for yourself! You can use your partner as the motivation, but you still have to do it for yourself. You cannot use the fear of losing your partner as the motivation, for that has ‘the wrong starting gate.’ However, you can use the love that you have for your partner and the love that you have for yourself as the motivation. Working with a coach can help you find and/or begin to have the self love that I am speaking of.
The migraines that you are experiencing could be a symptom of something else going on. I would start off having those checked out. Begin with a medical check up, and be very honest with your doctor. (Also, be mindful that they are trained to prescribe meds and address the symptoms from that perspective) Begin with the medical check-up so that you can eliminate the possibility that something is happening that could be addressed medically. Once that is done, then begin to work with a coach that is going to help you address these patterns and offer you the tools that will support you as you change those patterns. This could take some time, but if you truly want this, you will be willing to put the time in.
I would be very willing to help you but that would entail more than what could be addressed in one letter. So for now remember this: what is happening in your life is an example of what can happen when a person has not been shown examples of Awareness and continues to live from the perspective of buying into the mind. You are not the mind, you are more than your mind and you have access to the wisdom of ALL THAT IS, and NOW you have to choose to use that to live a life that is based in love. Love (SELF LOVE) and Awareness is the answer to all your questions.
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