Self Discipline, Is It A Help Or A Mind Game?

Today I was asked to go over my thoughts around “Discipline.” When there is a specific word or a word to describe an idea being used, I go to the trusty dictionary. I may know the meaning, but I find that looking it up often gives more insight than what I may already know.  

Discipline: mental self-control used in directing or changing behavior, learning something, or training for something. Making yourself do something regularly.

First of all, discipline is a mind game that you play with yourself. I find it much easier, from the get-go, when I know something is a mind game. I approach it differently than how I did prior to self awareness. So, let’s begin there: prior to self awareness.

I used to be very diligent with myself relating to self discovery, self awareness, and personal and spiritual development. As they say, I was adamant about peeling back the layers of the onion. I disciplined myself to write in my journal and meditate regularly. I can’t take all the credit about journaling because that really began when I took a course that included journaling. I even disciplined myself about my partying. These and other related things were a large part of my life. It became a fucking chore! All the fun got sucked out of it. It was yet another job that had to be done. This vacillated for years. I knew that I felt better and my life was better with these practices, but that didn’t much matter.

It was another chore, another thing that I HAD to do! As time went by, I saw something interesting. I saw the mind and its reactions to the ‘discipline.’ I saw rebellion. I saw that the mind was taking things way too seriously. I saw that I (the mind) was putting pressure on me to do this. Actually, what I saw was me jumping on the train of the mind, and participating with it, relating to the seriousness.

Then time changed, and somewhere along the line, some self awareness happened, even through all of that bullshit, and some self love moved in! I realized that it was the ego driving me and the discipline ‘train.’  I thought, “That’s redundant to use the ego to get rid of the ego.” Then I thought, “Well, that’s not so bad, at least I am now aware of it and if I use it consciously rather than unconsciously, that may change the dynamics.” Something did change for me. I really don’t know if it was due to using the ego consciously or from the self love that had come through with the self awareness. Who knows? Who cares? The fact remained, there was change inside. I continued with the discipline, but from a different starting gate now. I think that was the true beginning of change. 

Self love, not ego love, began to guide the ship. The discipline continued, but from a different place: self love. The starting gate was self love and the doing that was being done began to change my being. 

The ideas relating to seriousness began to change also. I remembered that it was the mind that was taking things seriously and I had jumped on board. When I caught myself taking things seriously I would rarely do the ‘disciplinary act,’ especially when the ‘shoulds’ were present, but I did continue to really pay attention to the mind during those times. However, I did do the ‘act’ when there was self love there naturally. 

All of that being said; here is my point. Disciplinary actions will change your life. They are often good for you, but have the awareness that it is a mind game that you are playing with yourself. Remember, discipline is ‘mental self-control used in directing or changing behavior, learning something, or training for something.’ You are using the mind to change patterns already established in the mind because of conditionings. This is a great way to use the mind, but real changes don’t happen until the starting gate changes. My point: make sure that if you desire changes inside, it comes down to self love and not ego driven love.

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Much love and namaste…

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