The Days of Our Lives…

Normally I do not post my writing on the weekends, as the weekends on Love, Live, and Laugh are dedicated to guest writers. However, since there has been such an outpouring of love and support from so many people, I did want to keep you up to date on this journey.
Things sure do change, if you just let them. The post yesterday morning was just a spew of anger, but I can honestly tell you that in this moment, there is so much peace inside of me that it almost makes me woozy. (and no, it is not xanax and muscle relaxers.) If I had to graph it, physically, I am 75% better and climbing. Emotionally, I am 95% better. I haven’t even had the urge to cry even though I went to town and bought Cole’s grave marker, and placed it on his grave! It was the first time that I had been down there since I laid him to rest there. You know, the interesting thing about his grave, I found out just today as we were placing the Mother Mary statue there, it was the exact place that Nirish played in the forest during his childhood. I guess it was the perfect place!
I told you that Cole’s death would not be in vain; therefore, I have decided that I would honor Cole and our life together by writing “The Tao of Cole.” He, as a dog, our companion, our son, and his being was an amazing teacher. I have already begun and I look forward to having him in my life (and sharing him with you) from this perspective now.
Even as I write this, I just have to keep pausing; my head just swims.
Whew, what a week this has been! When I sit and think about the week, my body slumps and everything seems lethargic, but when I am being present with whatever I am doing, there is such peace. I don’t know if you can understand that or not. Even when I am present, I still witness the mind doing the same things that begins the thinking process, but because I am not engaging with the mind, the mind moves onto something else, often, completely unrelated to Cole. Even if it is Cole related, I usually notice that there is a smile on my face. It is such a trip. I teach this stuff all the time, but then I get to see it from another perspective, and I am still amazed. I could give you some ‘airy-fairy bullshit’ and try to explain it to you, but that is all it would be, is bullshit.
The mind is a powerful tool; it is an amazing, living, mechanism. It will try to dictate how we feel emotionally and physically. Sometimes that works the way that we ‘like’ it to be, and other times, it is the thing that sends us into therapy. It the same mechanism either way; sometimes we like it and other times we don’t.
Then comes along all of these different type of experiences; some are great fun and other times they are absolutely tragic. The mind not only records what happens, but it also judges what happens. It is the mind that dictates how we perceive the event, and if we allow it to, it will dictate who we are in relation to the event and future events. You do not have to buy into it. You are not the mind, no matter who much the mind says that you are.
Well, enough for today, but before I close, I do want to thank everyone for their love, their support, their prayers, their energy, the candles that were lit and burned in honor of Cole, the cards, the phone calls, and all the messages. You have all had a part in lifting me up during this week. Thank you and much love.

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