I see so many power struggles between couples. Often these are good people; they are not what you would consider abusive, but they live in the drama of their minds, and their relationship shows it. This does not have to be. You and your partner do not have to live with the seesaw of emotions; you do not have to be a victim of the mind and its antics! You and your partner can live together in a relatedness that exemplifies love, compassion, passion, honesty and authenticity, but it takes practice, persistence and patience!
Have you ever wondered what happens over time; why the beginning is so great, but over time the struggles begin? The reason can be found in typical, text book psychology (google the ‘imago match’); however, focusing on the why is irrelevant. Let’s begin to focus on the solution. As my favorite aunt used to say, “who cares how the mule got in the ditch, just get his ass out!”
There are two different approaches, one is learning how to play the game, and the other is based upon Self Awareness. Today, I would like to focus on learning how to play the game. Learning and practicing these techniques can bring a tremendous amount of liberation individually and collectively. (Before I go any further, for the people that say ‘marriage is no game,’ that is one of your first problems; you are taking this marriage thing way too seriously, and that is a whole other post.) So here are five simple, but yet profound things that you can embrace that will change the whole dynamic for the better.
1) Don’t take yourself, your partner, or the situation so seriously.
Seriousness means that you are in your head about your partner and/or the situation. There is judgment taking place and psychologically speaking, you are in the same place (in your mind) where the problem started in the first place. Get out of your head about it, drop the judgment and allow the solution to come or the moment to change. Then you can respond to the situation from a better place.
2) Communication is a key that unlocks the door to intimacy.
I am a firm believer that for a relationship to flourish, open, honest and authentic ‘check-in’s’ are a strong foundation to build upon. Very few people have been shown what this looks like and how to do it, so often coaching can be very beneficial relating to the how-to’s and the what-for’s of this type of dialoguing. I will be posting on this subject tomorrow, so stay tuned…
3) Realizing that you have one mouth and two ears for a purpose.
Listen twice as much as you talk. A partner that knows that they are heard is a partner that knows that they are cared about.
4) A balanced relationship is a strong relationship.
Do not forget to take the time to balance all aspects of your individual life and your collective life. Don’t forget to balance out work and pleasure, honey do’s and leisure.
5) Don’t expect your partner to do something for you that you won’t do for yourself. Drop the expectations and begin to practice presence with your partner.
So often we expect our partner to be this way or that way; we are so focused on what our ideal is that we miss the preciousness of who they really are. Be with your partner, accept them for who they are and realize that your expectations are setting you both up for suffering.
I hope you find these techniques to be beneficial, and I hope that you find these techniques to be supportive and help to move your relationship to a deeper and more loving space.
I’d like to hear your thoughts, comments, or questions about today’s post.
Many blessings to you and Namaste.
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