“The Enlightened You,” Prayer: Faith or Control?

Dear Vedam,

I was the speaker at several meetings over the weekend and I said some things that made me think.

I come from a faith/religious background that taught me the following things:

Early on I gathered – God was omnipresent and omnipotent. He was also free to rain down fire and brimstone. Never saw God from the viewpoint of blessings – just fire and brimstone. We were sinners and no matter what we did – God would see us and could punish us with hell.

30’s to now – God could and would move mountains for you – based on your faith/beliefs. God was loving and kind. I loved reading Conversations with God (that you let me read) and that also stayed with me.

Now, I am wondering about my prayers (e.g., when I pray that God/Spirit blesses me, when I ask God/Spirit to show me favor – for a promotion, to work a miracle, finding the perfect car, praying for a certain outcome, etc.) – when does the faith turn into control or am I attempting to change something I cannot change?

The Serenity Prayer says, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage the change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” – if I pray that someone get Divine assistance on an issue or need – is this something I cannot change or do my prayers fall into the “faith” category? For instance, if I have applied for a certain position and I pray that God/Spirit help/give/manifest this position (or something better) – as I like to pray – I will accept nothing less than I’ve asked for…only more (Catherine Ponder or maybe Florence Shinn) is that faith or attempted control?

Any suggestions or input you can offer would be greatly appreciated.

Answer:

Honestly, I do not have anything intrinsically negative to say about prayers. There are so many different ideas on prayer; how to pray, when to pray, and what to pray for; however, I would like to offer these insights around what you are going through. Nor am I surprised about the evolution of your relationship with God. I went through that myself, which has led me to be where I am today. Like my changing relationship with Spirit, my prayers have changed over time as well. It is something that I have done since I was a child and still do. Like you, how I pray has changed over the years. Sometimes, it is still in the ‘old’ way; where I am asking God for something, and other times, it is an affirmative type of prayer. I do hope to shed some insights and awareness with you, about you, through this answer.

Let’s begin with a question back to you. Who is doing the praying? You may say, ‘well, I am of course!’ And that would be correct. But do you know what that means? It is the “I,” an aspect of the mind, it is the ego that is doing the praying.  With that comes desire, wants, possible expectations, duality, and a power and control game. These things arise naturally from the mind; they tag along anytime the mind has been activated, and cannot be avoided. There is no need to try to avoid them, BUT JUST BE AWARE OF THEM!

There are so many dimensions to prayer work, and so many concepts relating to prayer dependent upon each faith and/or philosophy. For example, Buddhism is a philosophy or practice that says you experience God as the ego dissolves. One of the tenets of Buddhism is based upon the awareness of desires. From the Buddhist perspective, desire creates the suffering we experience in life, because of the expectations of the ego that follow the desire. Buddhism believes that all is well, and all is perfect, always. Buddhism also places focus on the ongoing support that life continues to offer each individual; so why would there be a need for any prayer, except a prayer of gratitude?

That being said, even though I consider myself ‘mostly Buddhist,’ I still enjoy prayer. I still pray, and don’t have any thought about stopping anytime soon; I am just aware of the above potential as I am praying. I will talk more about that in just a minute.

Then there is the philosophy that prayer is nothing more than planting seeds, letting the Universe/God know what you want or desire. There are some philosophies that ascribe to asking ‘with a pure heart.’ Then there are the philosophies that say pray in gratitude, affirming that it is already here.

My point… each faith, each philosophy is going to have a different twist on prayer. One is not better or worse than another. All I know is this: most of the time, prayer helps me ‘feel’ better.

Now back to your question…

You asked, “when does faith turn into control, or are you attempting to change something that you have no control over?” As I have mentioned in many posts, the mind is based upon a power and control game, and the irony is, we have no control over anything. We do not have control over anything outside ourselves, and we have little control over what happens inside ourselves. We can have the illusion that we have tamed the mind simply because it is behaving the way we want it to, but just like an animal that has been tamed, it can rear up when it chooses to.

Faith, on the other hand, is believing in something that has yet to be seen. And as a Life Coach, I am a firm believer, and part of what I teach is the premise of creating your own reality. I teach clients to see it in their mind’s eye. See yourself enjoying it, experiencing it, being with it, even before it physically manifests. I am a teacher of ‘being the good gardener.’ That means to prepare the soil for a healthy crop, plant the seeds that you wish to harvest, nurture them as they grow, and then enjoy the harvest. Is this not faith in things to come?

But this is where the suffering begins… Let’s say you do all of that, and something happens that destroys the crop, or something happens that interferes with the amount of harvest, or you get impatient waiting for the crop to harvest, etc. This is where suffering occurs. You have ‘unconsciously’ become attached to the outcome; an outcome that is probable, but not destined, because you do not have control of things in and around you. Does that make sense?

You also mentioned ‘praying for someone else.’ Many times, during sessions, a client will mentioned that they are praying for __________. I usually ask them to tell me what exactly they are praying for. Their answer reveals much to me. For example; let’s say that you are praying for someone because they are sick, and they are expected to die. There is nothing wrong with praying for someone’s wellness, but often a prayer for peace for that person, or a prayer for remembering their divinity maybe more beneficial anyway. In many situations, if a person experiences peace or remembers their divinity, that will bring them back to wellness anyway, and if they are dying wouldn’t peace and remembering their divinity help them in the process, as they are crossing over?

What I am about to say may piss some people off, but think about it for just a minute. Many times, the prayers have more to do with the pray-er than it does with the object being prayed about! Prayers are often done out of selfishness or not wanting to have to deal with a certain outcome. Prayers are often done relating to a small piece of a puzzle, rather than looking at the big picture. Prayers are often done because of judging something as it is evolving into something else. Prayers are often done because you are saying, ‘this should not be.’ So, that being said, be mindful of your ‘starting gate’ relating to your prayer.

Now another aspect of prayer that I find to be quite supportive, and since you used the serenity prayer, I too am going to use another one of the tenets of AA. One of the 12 steps is based upon the admittance that you are powerless over a situation, and you are asking for support, asking for help from the unseen forces of the world. I believe that the admittance of your powerlessness is quite powerful. It is quite the oxymoron of life; admitting that you are powerless brings about power. You are relinquishing the ego power and control game, and are tapping into the true power of the Universe. Also, in that moment, you are saying that if it is in Divine Order, bring it on!

It may sound like I am talking out both sides of my mouth, but ultimately, it has to do with your starting gate, and the awareness in which the prayer is being asked. For me, that is what it all boils down to.

Hope this helps.

Many blessings and Namaste…

If you would like to submit a question to “The Enlightened You,” you may do so with this link. Please keep your question to 400 words or less. Thank you.

http://loveliveandlaugh.com/enlightened/

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